How To Help Children with their Feelings.
September 25, 2009 by Crystal O'Connor
Filed under Blog, Parenting, School Age, Toddlers
Photo by Flickr
In order to ensure survival, the emotional structures of our brain develop first. Children “act out” of their feelings because the intellectual structures of their brain have not developed yet. Adults must help children learn how to recognize and cope with their feelings as they grow up.
1) FOCUS on them. Be attuned to them; watch their face for signs of emotions, watch their body language and listen to changes in their tone of voice. Learn about child development so you can work appropriately with them at different ages and stages Brain development changes greatly with each age and the brain is not fully developed until we are in our twenties.
2) INTERVENE early and often. As soon as you recognize the child is having a strong feeling, follow steps (3) and (4). Stay with the child until you know they are feeling better. Check back in with them a few minutes later to help them again. Know that it takes years for all people to learn how to understand and cope with difficult feelings.
3) VALIDATE THEIR FEELINGS; Feelings have a purpose, they give us information. No feelings are right, wrong or bad. All feelings have a purpose and everyone has a right to their feelings. When we (all people including children) know someone “feels” us, understands us, empathizes with us, we begin to feel better. Tell a child, “Its seems like you’re feeling angry (sad, afraid, frustrated, annoyed, etc.) and that is okay, I can understand why you feel that way, you have a right to your feelings.”
4) TEACH COPING SKILLS for the feelings.
o Know what you are feeling
o Tell a safe (usually adult) person what you are feeling
o Ask for help
o Use breathing techniques to help yourself calm down
o Time yourself out; walk away
o Distract yourself with other thoughts, activities
o Draw your feeling out
o Write a story or poem about the feeling experience
o Write a song or rap about the feeling experience
o Do a dance that expresses the feeling
o Make sure you understand yourself, then try to understand the other person.
o Negotiate with the other person.
o Make up with the other person
5) DO NOT talk negatively about a child, to others, in front of the child. Do not overreact to their threats. If a child says “I’m going to kill her,” recognize the anger and say, “Wow, you are very angry. You know you can’t hurt anyone and you have a right to your feelings, here are some coping skills.” Do not lecture; children find lectures boring, their feelings are not being validated and lecturing often implies that the child has something inherently wrong with them. Lecturing disvalidates and shames children which is hard on their fragile self esteem.
6) PRAISE children as often as possible. Experts recommend we praise children 3 times more often than we correct or criticize them. Love and enjoy them!
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Anne is a Board Certified Registered art therapist and Licensed Professional Counselor. Anne has been studying human development and relationships for over 45 years. She has been successfully working with families, in various capacities, for over 20 years. Her private practice is in the Mt. Airy section of Philadelphia PA. She specializes in helping people recover from various types of trauma, difficult changes and loss. Anne has an unusual ability to connect with children and adolescents, along with their parents. Parenting is the most important job we ever do, yet no one shows us how to do it or gives us the support we need. Anne has successfully coached many parents through a variety of critical stages in their children’s lives. Anne’s greatest joy is helping people understand themselves and each other. http://www.annescreativetherapy.com Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Anne_Ream |
