Can You Communicate with Teenagers?
Ever try and learn a new language? Seems hard and you wonder why they say things the way they do. This can be the same way it feels when we try and communicate to a teenager. It can seem we are speaking two different languages. How do we get on the same page?
I suggest we look at a couple of simple things that are easy to say and very hard to do.
- First as a child reaches the age of 13 we as parents must realize we can no longer give advice until asked
- Second we have to remember that kids at this age are looking for three things:
- Connectivity – being a part of something and having a purpose, contribution
- Acceptance – For who and how they are, their own identity
- Respect – acknowledgment for what they know and the ability to make their own decisions
Now this directly contradicts the way a parent’s mind works.
We think we know best and are just trying to protect them and look out for their future. So we continue to tell them what is best, not to seek their perspective and then listen to get to the feelings and fears.
We use creative or direct restrictions and rules to get our desired behavior. We then hope we are getting the truth and they are appreciating our sincere attempts to help and teach them.
After the previous two applications of parenting don’t work we then try having what we feel are conversations that should get them to open up. We walk away disappointed as our efforts receive responses like “I am fine”, “Nothing is bothering me”, “I just don’t want to talk about it”.
These leave parents feeling helpless and they try harder or just feel like giving up and say they will have to grow out of this.
I suggest if we examine the three things that all teenagers want today and ironically were the same we wanted at that age, and then adjust our approach to their needs. This gives us the ability to change the communication effectiveness and get to the desired outcome which all parents say in unison, “I just want the best for my child.”
Tim Bianchi has over 20 years experience in human resources, training, operations and helping organizations develop solutions. Those experiences are what prompted Tim to start Trilogy Solutions.
He has a passion for seeing people reach their highest potential. Tim has worked to create solutions for a variety of needs and has an extensive background in developing, delivering, and implementing corporate training initiatives.
Trilogy Solutions is a comprehensive Consulting and Human Resource Team offering a complete menu of services ranging from recruiting and staffing, training and coaching for companies and or individuals, administrative help in all areas of HR.
